Impact
November 16th, 2012
One of my children has faced some serious challenges that, I believe and some of the experts we have talked to concur, have been exacerbated by our family’s two year plus cancer crisis.
Out of respect for my children’s privacy I will not name the child or the problem. But I will share with you the heartbreak I feel as a mother, knowing the parenting opportunities I missed out of necessity of saving my own life.
I know what you are thinking. You want to reassure me. you want to talk me out of my maternal guilt. You want to let me know that I did what I had to do, which is undoubtedly true.
But it does not change this, yet another brutal reality of cancer. As with other uncomfortable truths, it is one I feel compelled to share.
Nobody can replace a parent’s attention and love. But if you know a family with a parent with cancer, please reach out to support their children too.
This entry was posted on Friday, November 16th, 2012 at 7:50 am and is filed under Survivorship. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
I am so sorry for everything you are living through. I know that there are no words to help you feel better; this is your CHILD. It is easy to accept for ourselves that this is not our perfect life, but our human experience; but for our children, we want that perfect childhood. Praying, never ceasing. Sending all my love on the wings of a desert sparrow, Deb
Cancer sucks. And, the worst thing ever is to see your child in pain. You are right that nothing can replace a parent’s attention and love. And yet, by modeling for your children that it’s ok to voice big bad scary feelings, to speak difficult truths, to care for yourself and others with such grace in the midst of great difficulty – you are giving them (and us) the loving tools to take life on life’s terms, one day at a time. Hang in there sister.
I’m going through something similar (I won’t say the same since all our situations are unique). All I can say is it sucks. And you’re not alone.
we too have young children who at 6 and 4 dealt with my year of treatment and 5 years later they now have to see their Dad go through it. I let all of our friends, brownie troop leaders, teachers, etc know the situation at home and asked them to please tell me if they see changes or emotions that are out of the norm. I believe all the eyes and ears I can get will help me to help them to get through it. Sending strength to you and your children.
I completely understand the feeling. I was diagnosed with a GBM brain tumor almost 2 years ago. I had surgery , radiation chemo, multiple complication and many hospitalizations. My youngest who always had my full attention as she seemed to need it so much she slipped through the cracks as everyone was so focused on getting me better. She is now 19 but is depressed, ended up using drugs and having to go to detox. She has been clean now for a few months but still has to be monitored as she still doesn’t understand why all this happened. During this whole cluster her Aunt died of liver cancer and a cousin died in a accident. They were very close. She refused to talk to a therapist but her PCP has been great, gave her her cell phone number and if she not with a patient will talk to her immediately. Her father has been so busy trying to take care of me as I was wheel chair bound and unable to walk, but recently have begun walking again. She was put on a antidepressant and has since began to open up more about her fears of me dying, and why did her Aunt and cousin have to die. I admit I keep her on a very tight control. That she does not appreciates..but with me still fighting the cancer and not feeling good a lot, I need to make sure she doing the right thing. .and safe, cancer not only destroys the person, but the family, …luckily have a great husband my oldest daughter has handled all well, but she also has a boyfriend that has been terrific. To her ,and is very supportive. My family and friends are great.
Thank you for sharing your pain with us. It is obviously a common problem for the BC sisterhood.
I have lived with breast cancer since 2006, when my boys were 2 and 7. Yes there are consequences for the kids and I feel guilty about that every day. It’s one of the hardest things about living with cancer.
On the other hand, living with a life threatening illness makes one realize the value of loving fiercely and expressing it frequently. It’s my hope these things will stand them in good stead when facing challenges. I have to hope that.