Archive for June, 2012

Equilibrium

06.22.2012

I have not disappeared, dear blog readers. Summer started around here, right after my last post, complete with graduations, barbecues, summer camps, fireflies, and mosquitoes.

Now that my last surgery is over, I have the goal of finding new equilibrium in my life. Under the best of circumstances, managing a career, family, friendships, marriage, and health is a big undertaking. When 2 years, 7 months, and 11 days of cancer treatments get thrown into the mix, it becomes impossible. So much has gone to the wayside.

My pact with myself is to start picking up the pieces of all that has been cast aside.

My two biggest challenges? Limited energy and impatience.

I still get worn out by the end of the day, sometimes to the point where I have to climb in bed. My to-do list is long, and it includes giving more of myself to the people I love.

I have tried to meet this challenge by managing my energy. Everything and everyone is now sorted into two categories: energy giving and energy draining. Things in the latter category are ruthlessly put aside. Children, are of course, a bit of both, but I am their mother and I love them. To give them more of me, I am cutting back on some   hours at work while they are out of school. I am glad to have this as an option, even though it may make the financial equilibrium a more distant reality. The soul satisfaction I feel when I bake a pie with my daughter, take my kids to the park, or just hang out and snuggle lets me know that I am on the right track.

It’s hard because part of me is used to my take-no-prisoners approach to catching up when I fall behind.

But I am so behind. And when I hit the wall, it is made unforgiving, solid brick.

I know I won’t knock out all the things I wish to do this summer, but if I can give back to the people I love, I think I will be happier.

 

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