October 3rd, 2011
There are so many stories I could tell about my surgery last week: how my friends, neighbors, colleagues and family rallied around me, once again, to get me through this ordeal; about the absurdity of waiting in the recovery room for 9 1/2 hours because the hospital was overfull; about specific interactions with doctors and nurses that merit closer examination.
All of these would make for good blog posts.
What I want to share with you, however, is a feeling. Feelings are fleeting but powerful.
For me, this feeling defines the experience of my surgery:
I have had a hard time writing this post. It feels personal and intimate.
But I wanted to share this emotion, this delight, of waking up with breasts.
During my surgery, my doctor filled each of my expanders with 200 milliliters of saline, giving my hospital gown a nice A-cup sized bump. I have spent almost a year and a half with nothing, less than a flat chest. And I saw again that familiar, feminine shape on my body.
Although there are obviously many important differences, the closest thing I have experienced to the surprise, joy, and pleasure I experienced in that moment is when my babies were handed to me after I gave birth.
I have gone through such a long journey. I have had pain and loss. And now I had something new and lovely to show for my suffering.
I am delighted.
Truly, truly delighted.
This entry was posted on Monday, October 3rd, 2011 at 11:00 am and is filed under Survivorship. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.