Waking Up (Delight)

October 3rd, 2011

There are so many stories I could tell about my surgery last week: how my friends, neighbors, colleagues and family rallied around me, once again, to get me through this ordeal; about the absurdity of waiting in the recovery room for 9 1/2 hours because the hospital was overfull; about specific interactions with doctors and nurses that merit closer examination.

All of these would make for good blog posts.

What I want to share with you, however, is a feeling. Feelings are fleeting but powerful.

For me, this feeling defines the experience of my surgery:

Delight.

I have had a hard time writing this post. It feels personal and intimate.

But I wanted to share this emotion, this delight, of waking up with breasts.

During my surgery, my doctor filled each of my expanders with 200 milliliters of saline, giving my hospital gown a nice A-cup sized bump. I have spent almost a year and a half with nothing, less than a flat chest. And I saw again that familiar, feminine shape on my body.

Delight.

Although there are obviously many important differences, the closest thing I have experienced to the surprise, joy, and pleasure I experienced in that moment is when my babies were handed to me after I gave birth.

I have gone through such a long journey. I have had pain and loss. And now I had something new and lovely to show for my suffering.

I am delighted.

Truly, truly delighted.

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This entry was posted on Monday, October 3rd, 2011 at 11:00 am and is filed under Survivorship. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

21 Responses to “Waking Up (Delight)”

nancyspoint
October 3, 2011 at 11:11 am

You’re right, feelings about this type of surgery are very personal, intimate and difficult to express. I found that to be the case as well. However, that very fact makes sharing about them even more important and more profound. Thanks for doing so. And I’m thrilled for your delight!

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Jody Schoger
October 3, 2011 at 11:31 am

Delight? Beautiful, Lani. I’m so, so happy for you. The relief and joy in waking from reconstructive surgery is difficult to describe and you have done it beautifully.

I remember:)

love,
Jody

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AnneMarie
October 3, 2011 at 11:38 am

I am BEYOND delighted for you!! This will soon be the “icing” on the cake and at the end, there will be a cherry on top, too! WAIT til next summer when you can start sporting all of the clothing you may have avoided for want of locating those strapless backless and everyother kind of “how to i hide this” bras.
Yay, Lani!

Love,
AnneMarie

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Skye
October 3, 2011 at 11:50 am

Oh, thank you for sharing this with us & congratulations!
It is a great gift indeed. Sending love & celebratory hugs!

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Stacey
October 3, 2011 at 11:55 am

I’m so happy for you! You waited until you were truly ready. Enjoy your delight!

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amy
October 3, 2011 at 12:27 pm

The perfect post for something I know you’ve struggled with. I am so happy for you and delight is something that you absolutely deserve. xoxo.

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Being Sarah
October 3, 2011 at 1:03 pm

Ah, Lani. I hear your delight and I am delighted for you. Love, Sarah

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katie
October 3, 2011 at 2:10 pm

***clap clap clap***

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Brandie
October 3, 2011 at 4:47 pm

I’m so happy for you =)

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afrochemo
October 3, 2011 at 4:52 pm

Congratulations ! Happy healing and hope that you’re enjoying your new cleavage !

Cx

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Meg
October 4, 2011 at 9:28 am

hoopla! Absolutely delighted for you, so I am.

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lisa
October 4, 2011 at 11:25 am

this brought tears of happieness to my eyes for you. {hugs to you}

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The Accidental Amazon
October 4, 2011 at 12:00 pm

Oh, CB, that’s exactly the way it’s supposed to work!! I’m sooooo glad that’s how you felt when you woke up. It makes it all worth it. xxoo

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Beth L. Gainer
October 4, 2011 at 10:45 pm

I am THRILLED for you. Waking up with breasts is a big deal, especially after all you’ve been through. It’s interesting that you bring up the “giving birth” analogy. Although I’ve never birthed a child, when doctors and nurses would check the sound of blood rushing through my breasts and I heard the sound, I felt like a proud mama.

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Beckye
October 5, 2011 at 9:50 am

My friend, I am delighted for you!! And thrilled to hear of your response! I have never heard of anyone having this response, and am so happy to hear it! Joy!!!

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BreastCancerSisterhood.com
October 5, 2011 at 12:12 pm

I’m happy for you:) Of all the terms you could have used to describe an aspect of breast cancer, I wouldn’t have guessed that one. We are delighted for you!

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Jackie Fox
October 5, 2011 at 12:21 pm

I’m so happy for you! Waking up with a bump is a very good thing indeed.

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cancerfree2b
October 5, 2011 at 9:19 pm

So, so very happy for you!

Thank you for sharing this. I am so pleased for you.

All the best to you.

Lisa

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Mandi
October 8, 2011 at 3:58 pm

I love that you chose the word “delight” for this experience. Thank you for sharing, I am glad the surgery went well.

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Philippa (Feisty Blue Gecko)
October 9, 2011 at 4:42 am

I’m delighted for you too, what you’ve gone through to get here, big hugs x

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Lorrie Sparrow
November 3, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Merely happy for you, don’t cut it sister. Love love love and abundant joy. Yay!!!!!!!!!!!

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