A Warm Embrace
August 12th, 2010
Last night, I had a party with a bunch of old friends. We are in Seattle for the week, our home for six years before we moved to a new town, just months before my diagnosis.
It has been challenging being in a new place, being so vulnerable and needy. Our closest friends were far away and did an amazing job of being there for us. Some of them flew out to help. Some of them sent notes and gifts. Some of them phoned or emailed or commented on my blog. Our friend Howie sold some of his photographs to help us cover our medical expenses.
But last night was a party. And I got to hug so many people from all different parts of this other chapter of my life. I had the gift of being reminded of who I was before I became the Woman with Cancer. I saw former students, colleagues, friends, and neighbors. I got to talk to some more than others, but I gave everybody I saw a great big hug.
Of course, cancer was still in the room. My friend Josh‘s kids were there, running around and playing with the other children, having buried their dad a week before. My friend Phil, who is about to celebrate his 5 year Cancerversary, was there with his family. He is as healthy and happy as I have ever seen him. A couple of other people who lost family members to cancer had emotional conversations with me. The brutality and arbitrariness of this disease was in the room.
Right now, I am in limbo. My cancer story is between Josh’s and Phil’s. We don’t know for sure what my ending will be.
But in the meantime, I am happy to be here. And I am grateful to celebrate how far I have come. I am glad for the embrace of good friends.
This entry was posted on Thursday, August 12th, 2010 at 11:30 am and is filed under Survivorship, Wellness. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Just letting you know I am rooting for you. I love reading you page on Facebook, I went to school with you Aunt Marsha Stern Wine. So we have a connection. The other connection is that I live in the Seattle area and moved here 12 years ago from Rancho Cucamonga, CA., and was brought up in Monterey Park. I am cheering loudly and glad you are sharing your story along with the story of others.
Laurie Lazar Boritz
Fingers crossed to your continuing good health and a long happy future. x
you give GREAT hugs! i know i give good hugs too, but yours was a GREAT hug! i was saying to one of my friends who found out that she has cancer last week that this is going to be an intrusion and an interruption for a while, but somehow her life will keep moving forward through it. being the Woman with Cancer was an intrusion and interruption but you’re almost at the finish line — i have great hopes for your future health, even though i guess you never know. soon you will be the Cancer Survivor! — so i guess Woman with Cancer never quite leaves, but it won’t have to be so central anymore. it will kind of make its shape and space among all the other things that make you you.
your mom radar was amazing, how you heard J through the noise of other kids and people. you’re an amazing mom.
Gave me goosebumps reading this my love. Illness is arbitrary. It is unfair. It is strange.
Hugs are good. They are necessary. And yet- I cannot help seeing the complete juxtaposition of children playing… Reminding us all that LIFE happens for all of us… and HUGS. And we are here as testaments to support each other to that end. WE ARE HERE TO FIND LIFE AND LIVE IT.
I love you. I am rooting for you. I am healing with your story as you write it for me.
Thank you for sharing more of it.
xo
Melissa
please tell Howie that I gave one of his photographs to my mother in law at her birthday dinner and she thought it was stunning!
it was an especially good hug! thanks for thinking of the party — it was great to see everyone there for you.
keep your head up. You are a cancer survivor and will continue to defy the odds and stats. We’re in this together my friend. cancer survivors forever.
I am so glad you were able to return and celebrate YOU again and get those warm hugs from friends! *sigh* You are a great woman, Lani. I’d love to give you a hug in person, and hope we’ll get to and celebrate long life.
For now, am sending a virtual hug. I’m very grateful for you. <3
Ah, man! I was so bummed to miss this party. I was “needed” somewhere else. Although it’s probably good I wasn’t there, because if cancer was in the air I probably would have started crying. My diagnosis with thyroid cancer was very new at this point, so maybe better I didn’t cry all over your good time?
Miss you on a new level these days, Lani. Thanks for you, your blog, and everything else.
-MZa