June 27th, 2010
A major psychic challenge of cancer treatment comes down to your ability to answer the following question:
How do you continue to do something that makes you feel bad, knowing that it is good for you?
I felt great when I was diagnosed with cancer. I know that is not so for everybody. I was strong and healthy (sort of). This treatment has made me feel like crap. Nothing in my previous experience has taxed my ability to cope as much as this.
I’m in the homestretch now. Just five more radiation treatments left, and the last major event in the Triathlon from Hell will be complete.
As you can see, my skin is beet red. It’s Kentucky Fried. Thanks to the tech who did my echocardiogram this past Thursday, I also have a nice blister where the echo sticker removed a chunk of my skin. All pain emanates from The Evil Blister. It is the source of my current torture.
Next week, I have five days of “electron boosts.” I had counted down my treatments last week, thinking I would be home free now that I was done with the big beam. Alas, when I met with my oncologist last Thursday and showed her my skin, she grimaced and warned me that the boosts would probably make my scar “really hurt.”
As opposed to the lightly tortured feeling I am experiencing now, I suppose.
I don’t wanna do it. But I know I have to. So my friends and I hatched a plan. I call it the Bribe-a-Day plan. Every day this week, I am going to treat myself to something nice. It will be my reward for showing up and finishing out my torture treatment. I will cash in some of the gift certificates my friends sent me for massages or facials. I will make long phone calls. I will linger in the bookstore, eat gelato, buy a lovely scented candle or a bouquet of flowers, and have my feet rubbed and toenails painted.
The genius of this plan is that it’s already working. I am looking forward to my daily treats, enough so that I will endure the blistering, burning, and peeling that will be part of the package.
This entry was posted on Sunday, June 27th, 2010 at 2:20 pm and is filed under Treatment. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.