Man Plans, God Laughs
May 19th, 2010
My husband and I were 5 minutes away from the clinic for my 9:30 PM radiation appointment. I had talked to a friend from Gilda’s Club right before we left to go over again how it was going to all go down. I had tried to make some kind of spiritual meaning out of the timing of the delays. I kept myself ready to face all this past the time when I am ready to get in my jammies and curl up for the night.
My cell phone rang. It was the clinic. After pulling 18 hour days in the weeks following the flood, the radiation machine had just conked out. They were canceling the rest of the appointments for the night.
My husband and I went in anyway. The technician was really nice. She, too, was displaced from the downtown clinic. She, too, had to suddenly juggle unexpected childcare.
“But I made plans for the summer,” I whined. “I counted the 6 1/2 weeks of radiation from the longest window my oncologist gave me after surgery, and then added two weeks onto that. I planned a trip for my kids to the mountains. The flood already took up one of those cushion weeks.”
Because I am not getting started until today, instead of being finished on July 2, the Friday before a 3 day weekend, I will get my 33rd dose the following Tuesday. We are supposed to have our cousins reunion the Friday of that week.
The therapists were incredibly sympathetic. That’s how cancer treatment is, they reminded me. It’s very uncertain. There are people who have to take a break in their treatment just because their skin needs a rest. It is also possible you could receive two doses in one day to get you back on schedule. It will depend on how you do.
So my husband & I got back in the car and went to SonicBurger. I got myself a hot fudge sundae.
I vented on facebook and was given a bit of perspective by one of my pals there. “Consider yourself lucky, you don’t want dosed by a machine on the fritz, you might end up like me!”
That helped. Instead of feeling frustrated that the machine conked out right before I went under its rays, I now feel grateful that I wasn’t under there when it went on the fritz.
Please, everyone. Forgive me if I don’t do what I have told you I would. Promises are hard to keep, but it doesn’t mean I don’t care. It’s just that my life is very very unpredictable right now.
This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 19th, 2010 at 6:00 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Very true and well put. Our lives are totally turned around, then we are pretty much unable to plan as the treatment schedule comes first, then these disruptions happen and it is hard not to crumble. I love your fudge sundae strategy. I had to rush home because a curfew has been declared here – not sure how many things I can juggle any more……..
Good luck and I hope your rads go ahead with no more delay and no fritz risk
Hugs
FBG – Breast Cancer Correspondent (Bangkok)
I made it! 45 minutes late, but I made it. I’m happy to be further down the treatment road.
hi sweetie. just found your blog. i wanted to let you know that you are so inspiring and, i share in a lot of the same rollercoaster-esque emotions with you. you are traveling down such a rough road right now. <> you are so loved, and God is with you. <3
thank you, meg!
I know EXACTLY how you feel. My marking appointments took longer than anticipated and it kept pushing back my DONE date. I had counted it out and wanted to be done when the kids finished school so we could have the whole summer off together. BUT, I didn’t finish till July 1. We celebrated with early fireworks and life went on – that was 6 years ago!